He has made everything beautiful in it's time.

He has made everything beautiful in it's time.
Ecclesiates 3:11

Thursday, 29 October 2015

Elf's: Random

It's been more than a week we didn't talk to each other. He knew I am still here, but he just didn't bother to text me. I have tried to initiate for a meet up but was rejected. And since then, he did not contact me until today. He didn't even bother to ask me the outcome of my interview.

Sissie is in love. She has been telling me her feeling openly and I felt so bad for keeping things from her. I almost wanna ask her to pray for me, to have this feeling removed. But, I am just another coward after all. I dare not tell her the truth. I dare not let her know what's going on at my end. 

Watching the new tv series about 新謠, and I immediately think about him. I know he would like this new tv series. Watching Triumph in the skies II and thinking of him too. I am totally 無藥可救了!I miss him very much. 

Today, I was taking bus 30 to HBF, it was a long journey. I got down from the bus as I thought I have arrived at my destination after more 1 hour of bus journey, then I walked for about 3 bus stop later, and realised that I alighted at the wrong bus stop after seeing the ARC building. I had another choice of taking trim from TB station, but I chose to went back to the nearest bus stop. A lot of memories there and I don't want to be reminded again. I avoided to take train and chose the longer journey from my house to HBF to avoid all the unnecessary memories come back to me, and yet, I alighted at the wrong bus stop and saw the building that we went together before. 

We both know we can't continue this friendship. I know my feelings towards him. I bet he knew my feelings too, that's why he is avoiding me. I knew he doesn't like me the way I like him. I knew that he see me as a friend only. I knew how wrong it is but i don't know why the feeling kept growing.. Deeper and deeper... I am suffocating... I can't handle it anymore... Should I just let him know my feeling and let him end our friendship? I hardly wanna take the risk. But I think this is the only way stop me, by ending our friendship. I won't be able to see him using the name of friend.

Honestly, I don't want us to end this way, my heart is bleeding by thinking that we will end this way. But perhaps this is the only way. Lord, help me, help us. 

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