Elf's: Final Decision?

It's been so long, I have not penned down any thoughts, even posted any picture here, like I have shut myself off...

I was busy, so busy with works and overtimes for extra income. I had made my life as if it all about the money only. I fell sick a few times in November, I got depressed, and demotivated to go to work. I am home sick, miss mom and Sannie at home, Laney, Mandee and baby Nana at Southend, and dad, in heaven.

Getting emotional, yes, for sure, especially in festive season. More than 10 times I haven thinking when should I tender and go back for good again. But, will I get to do things that will make me happy? Or will it be the same again? Will I miss Singapore again this time after I leave? Honestly, I think this time, I am ready to leave this little red dot.

I think, I have missed out too many things ever since I started to work abroad, since 2006. Missed the time to spent with my dad before he went home to heaven, that's about 10 years or time. This year, since I came back, I missed time for grandma, and I didn't even get to visit her in July when I came back from London. I took things for granted, and she left us in September when I am not prepared at all. I missed the moment of Sannie's first born, missed the full moon celebration, gonna missed the 100 days celebrations too on 01 January 2017. And many more things that I have and going to miss... Next year, will be my first time not able to celebrate Chinese New Year eve and first day of Chinese New Year at home, all thanks to this job.

I don't know how some of the people can work like 15 years in a call center, to me, 1 year is more than enough. The pay is not too big if you don't work for overtime. But you gotta sacrifice your off and rest day to work, and that, will in conjunction of sacrificing your health for body and soul. I truly believe that we are made by God to learn to rest in Him, but the busyness and stress I got from my job has totally robbed me of my rest and peace. It even draw me further from God, I don't attend church, because I am scheduled to work on Sunday, and because I am too lazy and tired to wake up early for church then go to work in the afternoon.

All these are so wrong! The reason why I am so eagerly and keen to come back to Singapore is because I miss my church life in ncc. But ever since I started my shift work, everything just changed. I felt so stressed when being asked by fellow ministries servers and leaders, when will I be back to serve. I love to, to be honest, but I just can't.

And so, I brought up my feeling and thoughts to Laney, Sannie and mom, that I am gonna resign, probably next year after Chinese New Year, and go home for good. Thank God, that they are very understanding and supportive for my decision. If everything goes smooth, I should be tendering in February.

And Lord, I pray, that You open the door to the path that You have prepared for me, and closed those that are not meant for me. Amen.

Elf's: H. U. G.

hug is a form of physical intimacy, universal in human communities, in which two or more people put their arms around the neck, back, or waist of one another and hold each other closely. If more than two persons are involved, this is informally referred to as a group hug.

- excerpt from Wikipedia-

#IAmLongingForAHug

Elf's: The Dark Night of The Soul

It's truly the season of dark night for my soul now...

Have been facing challenges at work, not so much with skills or product knowledge, but with the environment and people there.

So many negative things I saw and felt but I chose to be optimistic, since day one I joined this company. But recently, I felt completely disrespect by my manager when I apologised for a mistake that I made. Honestly, I can't just let go the feeling. Although I am a new staff, but I do believe in mutual respect for one another. Even though between the CEO and the cleaner. However, the longer I work with my team, the more I see and feel. The leaders are always act according to their mood. Good mood, good treatment, bad mood, that's it. They will talk softly still, but sarcastically, and other might not even know what did they say. And so, we have to swallow their vomits on us. I really dislike it, I hate it!

O Lord, help me!

I am thinking of changing job, and praying for the right door to open. Perhaps, I should go to London and try working there for a short period? Or return to Malaysia and start the online business seriously? Lord, which way Lord? Where do I go from here? I am lost, Lord...

Elf's: Random

It's been more than a week we didn't talk to each other. He knew I am still here, but he just didn't bother to text me. I have tried to initiate for a meet up but was rejected. And since then, he did not contact me until today. He didn't even bother to ask me the outcome of my interview.

Sissie is in love. She has been telling me her feeling openly and I felt so bad for keeping things from her. I almost wanna ask her to pray for me, to have this feeling removed. But, I am just another coward after all. I dare not tell her the truth. I dare not let her know what's going on at my end. 

Watching the new tv series about 新謠, and I immediately think about him. I know he would like this new tv series. Watching Triumph in the skies II and thinking of him too. I am totally 無藥可救了！I miss him very much. 

Today, I was taking bus 30 to HBF, it was a long journey. I got down from the bus as I thought I have arrived at my destination after more 1 hour of bus journey, then I walked for about 3 bus stop later, and realised that I alighted at the wrong bus stop after seeing the ARC building. I had another choice of taking trim from TB station, but I chose to went back to the nearest bus stop. A lot of memories there and I don't want to be reminded again. I avoided to take train and chose the longer journey from my house to HBF to avoid all the unnecessary memories come back to me, and yet, I alighted at the wrong bus stop and saw the building that we went together before. 

We both know we can't continue this friendship. I know my feelings towards him. I bet he knew my feelings too, that's why he is avoiding me. I knew he doesn't like me the way I like him. I knew that he see me as a friend only. I knew how wrong it is but i don't know why the feeling kept growing.. Deeper and deeper... I am suffocating... I can't handle it anymore... Should I just let him know my feeling and let him end our friendship? I hardly wanna take the risk. But I think this is the only way stop me, by ending our friendship. I won't be able to see him using the name of friend.

Honestly, I don't want us to end this way, my heart is bleeding by thinking that we will end this way. But perhaps this is the only way. Lord, help me, help us. 

Family: Anna C

Congratulations to my sister and brother in law for their new addition family member - Ms Anna Chin! 

Sis gave birth to her second princess on 26th September 2015, 1pm London time. Baby Anna is weighed at 2.85kgs, is a strong and healthy baby!

Praise Jesus for a smooth delivery for my sister and a strong and healthy baby! We were informed by one of her gp months ago that the baby might be born with cleft lip as there is a line on her lips area, but I have rejected the report and prayed for her and declare God's goodness for my 2nd niece, and God is my ever faithful God, our prayer is answered, once again! Thank You Lord! 

Anna C, our best gift in 2015! 

Elf's: Missing you, 爸爸！

Saw this post from my mom on FB, and it suddenly triggered my feeling... I try to feel how mom felt when she read this and share this. She is a strong woman, for sure. I know she misses dad, very very much, so do I and my sisters, but we have moved on, and by God's grace, mom is able to move on better than I expected. I truly thank God for His restoration in our life for the past 9 months.

I can't stop my tears as I am writing this down... But I wanna jot down this feeling at this moment, I miss you, 爸爸！好想你！

Elf's: Update

Have not update my blog for the longest time... about 2 weeks...

Been very busy and tight up with training and assessment for my new job, and we have started our level 3 learning, for commercial booking on last Friday... It's very interesting and challenging, and I truly enjoy the training my Lok Lim, she is so cute and nice!

I did quite well for my level 2 assessment, first theory 92%, send theory 84% and practical - 99%.

I am quite satisfy with my result, but still unsure if I can work with this team of people.. they are too unique. And my wish is to become the team leader and not just a normal agent.

Sis has been asking me to help her in her freelance job as well, so, am getting busier nowadays...

Ciao~!

Elf's: Tiredness & Exhausted

I woke up super late these last 2 days, 10am... and I felt very tired still, especially on Saturday, my level of productivity is zero 0.

Then I remember I was not like this back in my time in Sg. I worked for 5.5 days, everyday woke up at around 6am, reached home mostly after 8pm, or sometimes after 11am if there is a ministries activities (choir practice, ministries gathering) or other activities with colleagues or friends. Then on Sunday, I can still wake up at 3.30am to prepare myself to serve for morning choir, and after usher, and will end the day by reaching home at around 10pm, and start the weekly routine again. Those were my days. I was so active, busy and energetic!

And now, after rested for about 3 months, I became so used to the laid back lifestyle... I was physically and mentally exhausted by the long hours of training at the office. Too many product knowledge to absorb, new colleagues to mingle with, and most of them are having very different mindset and even level of moral compared to me. I feel tired to start everything afresh.

Daddy God, I ask, for new dose of strength and energy to impart in me, to start afresh my new life here with my new career, new colleagues, new friends and most of all, my beloved family members. Honestly, Lord, You know that I really felt very stressful with my family now, I am still learning on how to live with them in a harmony and happy way. I can't stand the way my sis talked to me, like she is the king of the house, always giving instructions and showing her temper whenever she hears thing that is not pleasing to her or even like to tease/ insult/ make fun of  my belief in Jesus, and mom, for being over sensitive in many areas. Help me, Lord! Help me!

Elf's: My150602

My 34th birthday... Bengie said I look like 27th, I can only praise God for renewing my youth and to be ageless and never grow old, but grow wiser and stronger in Him! Amen!

Received many wishes from FB, WA, SMS, from so many closed and not so-closed friends as well.

A birthday song was sang in the office before we started our training, it was so nice, I thought I won't be enjoying it, but in the end, I like it. Thank You Jesus!

Fatin gave me 2 nutella as my birthday gift, so sweet and nice of her, Adel gave me a pandan cake, coz she never prepare any gift for me, actually, I don't really need any birthday present, I literally have everything that I need, the thought is more than enough, really.

At night, mom cooked spaghetti, Sannie called Domino's pizza and PuiYee bought me a birthday cake for a small celebration at home, with only family member, my bff, called and wanted to bring me out for a piece of cake as a form of celebration, but I rejected as I need to study for tomorrow assessment. Then, I thought of inviting her to my place for the small celebration together, since she is closed to my family too.

It was a very warmth night, celebrating my 34th birthday, with mom, sis, cousin, ZJ & bff - Kaili! Thanks for all the effort you all made for me, I appreciate all of them and love all of you very much!

Thank You Jesus, for family and friends! Hallelujah!

Elf's: Birthday eve...

Honestly, I don't feel like celebrating my birthday this year, not really in the celebrating mood, mostly because of dad...

I am still feeling sad on losing my dad, but every time when I am down, the Holy Spirit reminded me that dad is at a better place now, he is with Jesus now in heaven, no other place is better than where he is now.

Thank You Lord, for loving me so much, as well as my family members.

I shall, be looking forward for the celebration tomorrow at home... as well as the gathering on coming Friday with my beloved jimuis...

Elf's: End of the long vacation

It's my first time to experience this, no work for almost 3 months...

After my return from SG on 5 March, I went for a 5 days 4 nights trip at Hua Hin + Bangkok with my family. Then, had been travelling to Batu Gajah with Laney for 2 times and sent her off to London at KLIA.

Spent some precious time with Laney and Mandee during that one month period. Celebrated Mandee's 3rd birthday there as well. It was fun to see kids growing up healthy and happy, Mandee is a happy, healthy and strong baby, and we love her very much!

Got my job offer after sending several job application through Jobstreet, and went to just one company for interviews. I believe, this is God's opened door for me, as I had another job interview that just could not made it even for the 1st interview. God is good!

And tomorrow, I will start my new journey for my career at my hometown... A customer service rep for SIA Krisflyer program. There will be training for 2 months, and the HR manager shared that we will have tests and homework almost everyday. A lil stress upon hearing that yet many excitements in this new environment, such a big team, with mostly Indians, then Malays, Chinese and Pinoys, yes, it seems that I am really have certain fate with Pinoy... Lol!~ Not foreseeing any romance with them, the 2 Pinoys that I met so far, one is a female, the other should be a male, but more like a female to me...

Hopefully, my aim in being promoted as the team leader directly after the training will come true. Bible's Hope, is the confident, positive, expectation of good, Lord, I say AMEN!

Elf's: Birthday

Today, the Countdown apps on my iPhone reminded me that it's one month to go to my birthday, my 34th birthday!

34th birthday... it's going to be my first birthday without my beloved dad. Not sure if I want to have any celebration... Even for the Father's Day this year, not sure how we are going to go through it...

As I remember, dad was first hospitalised last year on Father's Day... JR was the one who reminded me when I told him that my dad was hospitalised. How ironic, right?

We were chit-chatting last night and was once again talked about dad and his life. Tears filled up all our eyes... and I know, we all miss dad dearly... But we also knew what happened to dad was the best from the Lord. At least he left us with a smile on his face and he did not suffer the pains that we saw like others cancer patients.

Lord, I really hate cancer... really really hate cancer... please heal all the cancer patients and destroy this ugly and suffering disease from the world... In Jesus' name. Amen!

Anyway, tomorrow, am going to attend tNCC with mom. It'll be the first time my mom attends a Sunday service. Am excited for her and pray that she will feel the touch of Jesus and will accept Jesus as her Lord and Saviour. Amen and amen! Will be celebrating Mother's Day with mom and aunt tomorrow as well. A small celebration before next Sunday on the exact Mother's Day with the other mommies and also grandma. Also, the first Mother's Day without dad...

Elf's: Old flame....

RT and I have been exchanging text since I got back from my previous SG trip...

He would text me everyday, not almost everyday, but everyday without fail. Sometimes a greeting in the morning, then after 1-2 exchanged text, he will text again during lunch break, we might chat for about an hour if I was not too busy, and then at night, he will text me again, and we will continue text-ing each other until his bedtime...

It helps to dilute my feelings towards JR... It also helps to divert my attention for JR too, that I don't always looking forward for his msg days and nights. 

However, I was also afraid myself to develop the old feeling I had for him again... He has also reminded me to guard my heart. Of course, by writing this out, I am being honest to myself here. I am guarding my heart for sure. 

I have 100% forgiven him for what he did on me years ago. There is no more bitterness between me and him. I am sure he is not holding any bitterness against me, he is too care-free. He is also not the type of guy that will stay for me. But the way he treated me nowadays, do reminded me of the good old days we used to have, a very short of 3 months we had. He is still as sweet and nice. He is a brother to me now. Someone whom I can talk my heart out, and expect for honest advise and comment, not being too harsh, like JR. 

JR has been very harsh to me recently. Maybe he has forgotten that I am a lady, I cannot stand for the way he treated me. I feel like he is trying to make me angry. Well, how could I get angry with him? He has been a very good and nice friend to me, I have learnt a lot from him, and I thank God for a friend like him too.

Anyway, my heart is with God, He shall guard my heart for me, no one can steal it away from Him. It's my blessed assurance. Thank You Abba!  

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." 

-Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)- 

Elf's: In love...?

He told me he is in love...

I hope he was joking, but he ain't this type of guy who will joke with me with this kind of joke...

How can he?

Elf's: Realisation...

Am currently busying with the makeover of my room and also a Photobook project as a Mother's Day gift for my beloved mommy...

While browsing the photos we took, some was taken recently, and many were years ago, I realised that I actually missed out many precious moment with my family... especially now, with my dad...

I also realised that I actually don't really understand my family members, their likes and dislikes, their personalities, their characters... It's time to get to know them better and sped more quality times with my loved ones here at home, most of all, take more pictures... I am glad I took some of the pictures especially pictures with my dad despite of many were always there to tease me when I insisted to take the picture.

Lord, as You said that this is the year of Your restoration, I said AMEN! I am definitely looking forward for all Your promises to me to come to pass... With men, many are impossible, but with God, ALL things are possible!

Thank You Lord for hearing our prayers for Jamie's dad, and congratulations Lord that You have one more saved soul entering to Your kingdom...Hallelujah!

Today, nccsg had launched the latest, long awaited church worship album, it's called "Anthem of Grace". Such a nice name for the album, and it's really the best title to suit this album, in line with our church's direction.. Praise Jesus for making it a successful launching for the church! And blessed the person from 15 @ Star who blessed the team with the CD as well, not sure if I am eligible, so, I have got CN to help me to get a copy of it.

To God be the glory & all the praises! Hallelujah!

Songs: 高山低谷

终于听了这首在不少的社交媒体平台上被分享了多次的歌曲，据说，Sammi 不是原唱，但是，听了她的版本，我觉得没有人可以把这首歌给唱得更好了，就像她曾经唱过的不要惊动爱情，红绿灯，给自己的信等等。不要惊动爱情，其实原唱和 Sammi 的版本是各有千秋。高山低谷，我暂时不想比较，所以，林奕匡，抱歉啦，下次再听你的原唱版本吧！有请 Sammi 郑秀文， 高山低谷！

高山低谷

作曲：林奕匡

填詞：陳詠謙 

編曲：何山 

監製：何山/蔡德才 

站在樹林內　就如沒氧氣

在夕陽下　寂寥吧　沒權利見你 

早知高的山低的谷將你我分隔兩地　失去人情味 

你那貴族遊戲　我的街角遊記 

天真到信真心　太兒戲 

你快樂過生活　我拼命去生存

幾多人位於山之巔俯瞰我的疲倦 

渴望被成全　努力做人誰怕氣喘 

但那終點　掛在那天邊 

你界定了生活　我侮辱了生存 

只適宜滯於山之谷整理我的凌亂 

渴望大團圓　腳下路程難以削短 

未見終點　也未見恩典　我與你極遠 

愈望愈無望　未來沒有我

在斷崖下　盡頭吧　樂園未有過 

彷彿天一黑天一光揮發了一句再會　只見人下墮 

快慰繼續傳播　你都不慰問我 

區分到太清楚　太嚴苛 

你快樂過生活　我拼命去生存

幾多人位於山之巔俯瞰我的疲倦 

渴望被成全　努力做人誰怕氣喘 

但那終點　掛在那天邊 

你界定了生活　我侮辱了生存 

只適宜滯於山之谷整理我的凌亂 

渴望大團圓　腳下路程難以削短 

未見終點　也未見恩典　我與你極遠 

我卻尚要生存　偷偷存活於山之谷等到某天魂斷

你繼續盤旋　我繼續埋藏我愛戀 

沒有終點　永沒有終點　那永遠極遠 

特别对这几句歌词有感觉：你繼續盤旋　我繼續埋藏我愛戀 沒有終點　永沒有終點　那永遠極遠

Quiz: Welcome to Earth Day 2015 - Which animal are you?

Haha! And I am a gigantic squid!

Read more about this species on wikepedia and found it extremely ugly.... oh dear.. and I am one of them?

No way! I am the beloved child of the Most High! His beloved princess on earth, definitely not a squid...

Elf's: Feeling...

Was searching for some conversations I had with JR for the past year using an online chat... While reading on our past conversations, many memories flashed back, and the feeling I have for him is once again being stirred up...

I have tried my best to keep all our conversation records, as memories of our friendship. I know, it cannot last forever. But, I really have fallen for him, without me realising it, it just happened. 

愛，每每讓我失去了理智。可是，對他，我很慶幸的保留了理智。這真的是主耶穌的恩典。但是，主啊，我真的很愛，也很想念他。讓我忘了他吧！

最近和他的對話，總是不歡而散。可能，我們即將緣盡了吧。將近十年了，我們竟然認識了彼此那麼長的日子。讀著我們從前的聊天記錄，原來，我們曾經擁有過那麼多開心的話題。每當我受了委屈，受到了傷害，有任何的疑問和恐懼，你總是能為我迎刃而解，一一破除我所有的困惑。可能，愛意就在這不知不覺間萌芽了吧。

對不起，我愛你。黎明曾經有一首歌的歌名就叫「對不起，我愛你」。小時候，非常不明白，愛，為何需要說對不起啊？原來，愛錯了人，就會想要道歉。很諷刺。二十年前的疑問，二十年後終於得到了答案。人的智慧，真的會隨著歲月而增長。

Elf's: Life...

Have not pen down what's happening around me for quite some time...

I have been thinking a lot... many thoughts are running on my mind, not just recently, but always...

Maybe I should record down my life after returned to KL for more than a month now.

Family:
Trying my very best to adapt the lifestyle my sis and mom are living, it's not as easy. Perhaps, I have been too used to living by myself. Although I was staying with aunt for the past 10 years in SG, but, I was mostly on my own, and I don't need to mingle with them, if I don't want to. But now, with my very closest one, my mom and sis, I simply can't live like that anymore, they won't let me too, if I want... Lol~! Our vacation to Thailand had been fun yet challenging for me... Thank God that all is well!

Work:
I have turned down the offer from Sonata, because of some unreasonable terms and conditions stated in their letter offer to me. Since then, I have started to look for other jobs again from Jobstreet. There were 2 agencies and one company HR called me up ONLY. (looks like it's not easy to get a job, and sometimes I wondered if I made the wrong decision to reject the first offer that I got.) Anyway, there were 2 interviews arranged, I only made it for the very first one, with Teledirect, as a CS for SIA KrisFlyer program. Went for the second interview too 3 days after the first interview, went through different tests, such like English grammar test, essay, problem solving, typing speed, listening test, role play... And I finally got the job offer on last Friday, about 3 weeks after the interviews as well as call reference to my ex supervisor. Phew~~! It's something new to me, shift work, big team, big organization, and 2-3 months of training before starting the job. New life, new beginning! Praise Jesus!

Church:
I have not attend to any of the local church service thus far... Not sure which one I should go, I miss nccsg! Miss my fellow ministries' servers, miss the venue, miss Pastor Prince... Can I still get a New Creation Church in KL? Guide me, Lord...

Friends:
So far, been meeting up with CY and SY quite often... met KL, YT & CY for once only. MY was too busy tied up by her balloon business, hence, can't meet up with us for dinner on the other night, but it's okay, we shall meet up again. Other than them, I have not been meeting up with anyone in KL.

I made a trip to SG last week with CY and SY, to take my remaining belongings back to KL, with CY driving. Met up with CN, on Saturday night for dinner, then JD & PS on Sunday morning to attend church service together, most of the WWJD team for lunch, AT, NL, QH, JL & JO for coffee at Jamaica Blue, and last but not least, dinner with RT at Brotziet. It was a fruitful trip for me, to be able to attend church at nccsg again, and to meet up so many of friends that are close to me. Thank You Jesus, for delighting me with the desire of my heart.

Was not able to meet up JR, as he was busy with work, that's the only regret for that trip.

Overall, it's just the beginning of my stay in KL, I should not be making any conclusions yet. And I believe I should do my best, live my best, enjoy my moment here with my beloved family members, and God will continue to direct my step to the life He has prepared for me. Amen!

Elf's: Competition

Just entered the photography competition at The Fifth Annual Exposure Photography Award.

Honestly, it was for fun I entered and also because I am not working, and have nothing better to do, but to check on all the photos I took in the past few years.

Please vote for me at this link Layfun Chong | Exposure 2015!

Thank you!
Gracias!
謝謝!

Salamat po!

Merci!

Danke!

Grazie!

ありがとう!

감사합니다!

Terima kasih!

Obrigado!

Pic was taken by Melissa Charn, at Singapore Botanical Garden