Elf's: Feeling vs Reality

有时候， 有时候

我会相信一切有尽头

相聚，离开，都有时候

没有什么会永垂不朽

可是我，有时候

宁愿选择留恋，不放手

等到风景都看透

也许你会陪我看细水长流

Heard this song from an album playlist on Spotify just now while walking home from MRT, had a strong feeling about the lyrics of the chorus... what if I never give up, will there be a change?

But God is good, as I am typing and asking myself all the "what if" question, the Holy Spirit reminded me on my favourite bible verse.

He has made everything beautiful in its time... Ecclesiastes 3:11

How lovely is this reminder... Thank You ABBA!

There is no what if, only surely, in God's promises for me, His beloved. Hallelujah!!!

Oh how beautiful Your love for me

Oh how wonderful Your grace unending

How beautiful and wonderful His love and grace for me, and it's never ending... ♥

Elf's: Missing you, 爸爸！

Saw this post from my mom on FB, and it suddenly triggered my feeling... I try to feel how mom felt when she read this and share this. She is a strong woman, for sure. I know she misses dad, very very much, so do I and my sisters, but we have moved on, and by God's grace, mom is able to move on better than I expected. I truly thank God for His restoration in our life for the past 9 months.

I can't stop my tears as I am writing this down... But I wanna jot down this feeling at this moment, I miss you, 爸爸！好想你！

Elf's: Tiredness & Exhausted

I woke up super late these last 2 days, 10am... and I felt very tired still, especially on Saturday, my level of productivity is zero 0.

Then I remember I was not like this back in my time in Sg. I worked for 5.5 days, everyday woke up at around 6am, reached home mostly after 8pm, or sometimes after 11am if there is a ministries activities (choir practice, ministries gathering) or other activities with colleagues or friends. Then on Sunday, I can still wake up at 3.30am to prepare myself to serve for morning choir, and after usher, and will end the day by reaching home at around 10pm, and start the weekly routine again. Those were my days. I was so active, busy and energetic!

And now, after rested for about 3 months, I became so used to the laid back lifestyle... I was physically and mentally exhausted by the long hours of training at the office. Too many product knowledge to absorb, new colleagues to mingle with, and most of them are having very different mindset and even level of moral compared to me. I feel tired to start everything afresh.

Daddy God, I ask, for new dose of strength and energy to impart in me, to start afresh my new life here with my new career, new colleagues, new friends and most of all, my beloved family members. Honestly, Lord, You know that I really felt very stressful with my family now, I am still learning on how to live with them in a harmony and happy way. I can't stand the way my sis talked to me, like she is the king of the house, always giving instructions and showing her temper whenever she hears thing that is not pleasing to her or even like to tease/ insult/ make fun of  my belief in Jesus, and mom, for being over sensitive in many areas. Help me, Lord! Help me!

TDM: Day 7

It's the perfect 7th day of our training... technically, all are overwhelmed by the detailed of the info... this including our trainer as well. And our trainer is such a lovely lady, she gave us extra breaks in between, knowing that all of us are truly exhausted by all the miles and redemption, award.. and etc...

One of our team member opted out from the program today, and we were told that he felt that this is not suitable for him, so, he chose to discontinue. Well, we can only wish him all the best for his future, but he has definitely set a bad example or at least, left a negative effect to all the team members, that some or all might think that it's okay to give up, without even really hands on the job. What Hani said is right, at least give ourselves 2-3 months to see after we are on the call floor, not just give up half way during the training. Well, just my personal opinion, of coz.

The team was requested by Hani to sing me a birthday song at the beginning of the day. It was quite sweet, and warm. It must be You, right? :)

We ended the day with a 'heavy' heart, knowing that we will be having our first assessment on tomorrow as well as on Thursday, and the passing % is 80%!!! I shall pass the assessment with flying colours because Jesus is with me, He is my supply, one and only shepherd! Hallelujah!

Elf's: Old flame....

RT and I have been exchanging text since I got back from my previous SG trip...

He would text me everyday, not almost everyday, but everyday without fail. Sometimes a greeting in the morning, then after 1-2 exchanged text, he will text again during lunch break, we might chat for about an hour if I was not too busy, and then at night, he will text me again, and we will continue text-ing each other until his bedtime...

It helps to dilute my feelings towards JR... It also helps to divert my attention for JR too, that I don't always looking forward for his msg days and nights. 

However, I was also afraid myself to develop the old feeling I had for him again... He has also reminded me to guard my heart. Of course, by writing this out, I am being honest to myself here. I am guarding my heart for sure. 

I have 100% forgiven him for what he did on me years ago. There is no more bitterness between me and him. I am sure he is not holding any bitterness against me, he is too care-free. He is also not the type of guy that will stay for me. But the way he treated me nowadays, do reminded me of the good old days we used to have, a very short of 3 months we had. He is still as sweet and nice. He is a brother to me now. Someone whom I can talk my heart out, and expect for honest advise and comment, not being too harsh, like JR. 

JR has been very harsh to me recently. Maybe he has forgotten that I am a lady, I cannot stand for the way he treated me. I feel like he is trying to make me angry. Well, how could I get angry with him? He has been a very good and nice friend to me, I have learnt a lot from him, and I thank God for a friend like him too.

Anyway, my heart is with God, He shall guard my heart for me, no one can steal it away from Him. It's my blessed assurance. Thank You Abba!  

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." 

-Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)- 

Elf's: In love...?

He told me he is in love...

I hope he was joking, but he ain't this type of guy who will joke with me with this kind of joke...

How can he?

Elf's: Realisation...

Am currently busying with the makeover of my room and also a Photobook project as a Mother's Day gift for my beloved mommy...

While browsing the photos we took, some was taken recently, and many were years ago, I realised that I actually missed out many precious moment with my family... especially now, with my dad...

I also realised that I actually don't really understand my family members, their likes and dislikes, their personalities, their characters... It's time to get to know them better and sped more quality times with my loved ones here at home, most of all, take more pictures... I am glad I took some of the pictures especially pictures with my dad despite of many were always there to tease me when I insisted to take the picture.

Lord, as You said that this is the year of Your restoration, I said AMEN! I am definitely looking forward for all Your promises to me to come to pass... With men, many are impossible, but with God, ALL things are possible!

Thank You Lord for hearing our prayers for Jamie's dad, and congratulations Lord that You have one more saved soul entering to Your kingdom...Hallelujah!

Today, nccsg had launched the latest, long awaited church worship album, it's called "Anthem of Grace". Such a nice name for the album, and it's really the best title to suit this album, in line with our church's direction.. Praise Jesus for making it a successful launching for the church! And blessed the person from 15 @ Star who blessed the team with the CD as well, not sure if I am eligible, so, I have got CN to help me to get a copy of it.

To God be the glory & all the praises! Hallelujah!

Songs: 對不起，我愛你

梁靜茹這首「對不起，我愛你」， 唱得比較貼切，歌詞也比較合邏輯。

作詞：潘協慶/李宗盛　

作曲：潘協慶　

編曲：洪敬堯

沒別的　只想說對不起　

對不起　我真的愛你

不管你會怎麼想　你怎麼說　

也不會改變我的決定

你知道　有時候感情事很難說　

很難說　愛人或朋友

從前到現在我真的感覺要　

一想你　我的心就發燒

想給你聽我的心跳　想你知道我睡的不好

喝水想著你　搭車想著你　闔眼閉眼間　出現的全是你

我猜不到你的表情　我等不到你的回應

不想難為你　又不想放棄你　決定告訴你

對不起 對不起　我愛你

沒別的　只想說對不起　

怎麼樣　我都會珍惜

不管你會怎麼講　

你怎麼做　也不會影響我的心情

你知道　有時候男孩更難捉摸　

難捉摸　愛人或朋友

現在到永遠我真會感覺要　

一想你　我的心就狂跳

我的模樣記不記得牢　情人卡有沒有收到

讀書想著你　聽歌想著你　大地和藍天　出現的全是你

我才不管你的表情　我才不理你回不回應

不想難為你　又不想放棄你　決定告訴你

對不起 對不起　我愛你

你聽一聽我的心跳　你看一看我睡的不好

喝水想著你　搭車想見你　闔眼閉眼間　出現的全是你

我猜不著你的表情　我等不到你的回應

不想難為你　又不想放棄你　決定告訴你

對不起 對不起　我愛你

http://youtu.be/yacpwknPwRU

Elf's: Feeling...

Was searching for some conversations I had with JR for the past year using an online chat... While reading on our past conversations, many memories flashed back, and the feeling I have for him is once again being stirred up...

I have tried my best to keep all our conversation records, as memories of our friendship. I know, it cannot last forever. But, I really have fallen for him, without me realising it, it just happened. 

愛，每每讓我失去了理智。可是，對他，我很慶幸的保留了理智。這真的是主耶穌的恩典。但是，主啊，我真的很愛，也很想念他。讓我忘了他吧！

最近和他的對話，總是不歡而散。可能，我們即將緣盡了吧。將近十年了，我們竟然認識了彼此那麼長的日子。讀著我們從前的聊天記錄，原來，我們曾經擁有過那麼多開心的話題。每當我受了委屈，受到了傷害，有任何的疑問和恐懼，你總是能為我迎刃而解，一一破除我所有的困惑。可能，愛意就在這不知不覺間萌芽了吧。

對不起，我愛你。黎明曾經有一首歌的歌名就叫「對不起，我愛你」。小時候，非常不明白，愛，為何需要說對不起啊？原來，愛錯了人，就會想要道歉。很諷刺。二十年前的疑問，二十年後終於得到了答案。人的智慧，真的會隨著歲月而增長。

Elf's: Life...

Have not pen down what's happening around me for quite some time...

I have been thinking a lot... many thoughts are running on my mind, not just recently, but always...

Maybe I should record down my life after returned to KL for more than a month now.

Family:
Trying my very best to adapt the lifestyle my sis and mom are living, it's not as easy. Perhaps, I have been too used to living by myself. Although I was staying with aunt for the past 10 years in SG, but, I was mostly on my own, and I don't need to mingle with them, if I don't want to. But now, with my very closest one, my mom and sis, I simply can't live like that anymore, they won't let me too, if I want... Lol~! Our vacation to Thailand had been fun yet challenging for me... Thank God that all is well!

Work:
I have turned down the offer from Sonata, because of some unreasonable terms and conditions stated in their letter offer to me. Since then, I have started to look for other jobs again from Jobstreet. There were 2 agencies and one company HR called me up ONLY. (looks like it's not easy to get a job, and sometimes I wondered if I made the wrong decision to reject the first offer that I got.) Anyway, there were 2 interviews arranged, I only made it for the very first one, with Teledirect, as a CS for SIA KrisFlyer program. Went for the second interview too 3 days after the first interview, went through different tests, such like English grammar test, essay, problem solving, typing speed, listening test, role play... And I finally got the job offer on last Friday, about 3 weeks after the interviews as well as call reference to my ex supervisor. Phew~~! It's something new to me, shift work, big team, big organization, and 2-3 months of training before starting the job. New life, new beginning! Praise Jesus!

Church:
I have not attend to any of the local church service thus far... Not sure which one I should go, I miss nccsg! Miss my fellow ministries' servers, miss the venue, miss Pastor Prince... Can I still get a New Creation Church in KL? Guide me, Lord...

Friends:
So far, been meeting up with CY and SY quite often... met KL, YT & CY for once only. MY was too busy tied up by her balloon business, hence, can't meet up with us for dinner on the other night, but it's okay, we shall meet up again. Other than them, I have not been meeting up with anyone in KL.

I made a trip to SG last week with CY and SY, to take my remaining belongings back to KL, with CY driving. Met up with CN, on Saturday night for dinner, then JD & PS on Sunday morning to attend church service together, most of the WWJD team for lunch, AT, NL, QH, JL & JO for coffee at Jamaica Blue, and last but not least, dinner with RT at Brotziet. It was a fruitful trip for me, to be able to attend church at nccsg again, and to meet up so many of friends that are close to me. Thank You Jesus, for delighting me with the desire of my heart.

Was not able to meet up JR, as he was busy with work, that's the only regret for that trip.

Overall, it's just the beginning of my stay in KL, I should not be making any conclusions yet. And I believe I should do my best, live my best, enjoy my moment here with my beloved family members, and God will continue to direct my step to the life He has prepared for me. Amen!

Elf's: Goodbye Mr Lee Kuan Yew (1923 - 2015)

With the Singapore nation sending Mr Lee Kuan Yew for the very last journey on earth, it had marked the end of Mr Lee's legendary. But. we believe that his spirit will never end.

Many has started to look back unto what has Mr Lee done for the country, their clean and well equipped HDB residency, the garden city country, clean environment, ppl with spirit of excellent, and many more that I might not know...

Looking back at how Singapore has grow from a 3rd world country in SEA unto a 1st world well-developed country now, the credits are truly for Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

Today, it rains heavily not just in Singapore, but as well as in KL.. It is as is the Heaven is feeling for the people too, that it is a loss for the world. I am extremely sentimental too, because I feel for Mr LHL, he lost his father, and I too lost my father about 3 months ago...

RT has been text-ing me with the video he took "live" from Buona Vista as the cortege will be passing by there today. However, it was raining and he did not stand at the right place, hence, he did not get to see the team. But, I really appreciate his effort in sharing with me the "live" situation there. Thanks kuya!

Mr Lee Kuan Yew, see you in heaven, okay? Many has shared that Mr Lee has accepted Jesus and is saved, and I chose to believe it as well. Perhaps, my dad is assigned as his buddy in heaven now? Hahaha!

Elf's: Fearful

Yes, fearful, the very strong negative feeling I have ever since my dad was admitted to hospital on last Father's day.

Still, am feeling it, but not as strong as it first appeared when the bad news hit me. God is good and faithful in keeping me. He has constantly spoke to me in this verse:

For the Lord your God is living among you.

    He is a mighty savior.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

    With his love, he will calm all your fears.[a]

    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zephaniah 3:17

Zephaniah 3:17, with His love, He will calm all my fears.. how beautiful can my God be, right? It immediately calm myself, knowing that my God loves me so much, and point me to this verse. Frankly, I  don't even know there a book called Zephaniah in my bible. (I have yet to finish my OT reading.. long overdue reading plan)

Anyway, God is a good, faithful and loving God, even if I have not finish reading the OT, He is too mighty to even show me this verse that I have never hear/ read before. And what's more? Since then, this verse has been appearing everywhere in my reading, the sermon that I listened, FB, Instagram... everywhere... 

This truly shows that my God is real, and He cares and loves me SO much! 

Not that I have doubted that my God is real, but when I am in need, in need of His presence, He appears. I just feel so loved and so close to Jesus. Psalm 46: 1 says:

God is our refuge and strength,

A very present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1

Thank You Jesus! You are truly the best, my very present help in trouble. 

I am confident that my dad is the healed of the Lord. Read a e-newsletter from Pastor Joseph Prince, and once again, You have used the resources around me to speak to me again, that healing is for me and my family, I just need to believe and receive. Period.

There is nothing for me to do or undo to receive the gift of healing You have for me and my family. IT IS FINISHED! 2000 years ago. 

Thank You Lord! Thank You for Your promises and blessings towards Your Beloved - that's me, and my family included. 

May I always remember that You will never leave me nor forsake me, in every plan that I need to execute now and in the future. In Jesus' name. Amen, and amen.

Self-conciousness

I am so not happy now! Super duper down. 

I miss the guy that I like but I have no right to contact him at all. 

I hate to hate certain people in my life but I still have not been able to overcome this feeling.

My heart is so bitter for quite a period of time. I really don't know what should I do to be merry again. Everything happened around me are seemed to be against me. 

So help me Lord! 

#JustAGroanWillReachHisThrone