Elf's: Random

It's been more than a week we didn't talk to each other. He knew I am still here, but he just didn't bother to text me. I have tried to initiate for a meet up but was rejected. And since then, he did not contact me until today. He didn't even bother to ask me the outcome of my interview.

Sissie is in love. She has been telling me her feeling openly and I felt so bad for keeping things from her. I almost wanna ask her to pray for me, to have this feeling removed. But, I am just another coward after all. I dare not tell her the truth. I dare not let her know what's going on at my end. 

Watching the new tv series about 新謠, and I immediately think about him. I know he would like this new tv series. Watching Triumph in the skies II and thinking of him too. I am totally 無藥可救了！I miss him very much. 

Today, I was taking bus 30 to HBF, it was a long journey. I got down from the bus as I thought I have arrived at my destination after more 1 hour of bus journey, then I walked for about 3 bus stop later, and realised that I alighted at the wrong bus stop after seeing the ARC building. I had another choice of taking trim from TB station, but I chose to went back to the nearest bus stop. A lot of memories there and I don't want to be reminded again. I avoided to take train and chose the longer journey from my house to HBF to avoid all the unnecessary memories come back to me, and yet, I alighted at the wrong bus stop and saw the building that we went together before. 

We both know we can't continue this friendship. I know my feelings towards him. I bet he knew my feelings too, that's why he is avoiding me. I knew he doesn't like me the way I like him. I knew that he see me as a friend only. I knew how wrong it is but i don't know why the feeling kept growing.. Deeper and deeper... I am suffocating... I can't handle it anymore... Should I just let him know my feeling and let him end our friendship? I hardly wanna take the risk. But I think this is the only way stop me, by ending our friendship. I won't be able to see him using the name of friend.

Honestly, I don't want us to end this way, my heart is bleeding by thinking that we will end this way. But perhaps this is the only way. Lord, help me, help us. 

TDM: Day 9

We finally had the first official assessment done today. Praise God! I scored 90/100, which means I pass the assessment. However, tomorrow, will be another challenge, subjective questions for MARMS... it's not that difficult, but not as easy as well.

While learning all this topic, directly and indirectly related with some aviation knowledge, I was reminded of JR, sometimes. He happened to forget about my birthday this year... Not disappointed? Nah~ Just don't want to take it too serious with him anymore.

Back to school, Hani has reminded us that the next observed trainer from SG - Mr Alvin is very particular about punctuality. So, we are required to be punctual.

Thank You Lord for being my wisdom and my peace.

Elf's: Feeling...

Was searching for some conversations I had with JR for the past year using an online chat... While reading on our past conversations, many memories flashed back, and the feeling I have for him is once again being stirred up...

I have tried my best to keep all our conversation records, as memories of our friendship. I know, it cannot last forever. But, I really have fallen for him, without me realising it, it just happened. 

愛，每每讓我失去了理智。可是，對他，我很慶幸的保留了理智。這真的是主耶穌的恩典。但是，主啊，我真的很愛，也很想念他。讓我忘了他吧！

最近和他的對話，總是不歡而散。可能，我們即將緣盡了吧。將近十年了，我們竟然認識了彼此那麼長的日子。讀著我們從前的聊天記錄，原來，我們曾經擁有過那麼多開心的話題。每當我受了委屈，受到了傷害，有任何的疑問和恐懼，你總是能為我迎刃而解，一一破除我所有的困惑。可能，愛意就在這不知不覺間萌芽了吧。

對不起，我愛你。黎明曾經有一首歌的歌名就叫「對不起，我愛你」。小時候，非常不明白，愛，為何需要說對不起啊？原來，愛錯了人，就會想要道歉。很諷刺。二十年前的疑問，二十年後終於得到了答案。人的智慧，真的會隨著歲月而增長。

Christmas: 25 December 2014

It has been very different from last year, or all the other Christmas I'd ever had. 

Merry and not-so-merry Christmas. 

Of coz, I am happy to see literally, the whole world are celebrating my Lord's birthday, His name is being lifted up in every places, for whatever reason or purpose. 

Yet, with dad's condition, I am worried on the other hand. And I received text msg from sis that dad was admitted on Christmas eve... I was totally swept off when I got the news, and it was sent last night, and yet, I did not see it as there were no new msg notification from the app - WeChat it is. 

Then Laney called me and we had a good chat and I understand more about dad's condition. Sannie replied with dad's updates later on via text. The tumour has grown bigger, the findings of the CT scan. Dad is weak, low appetite and always sleepy. 

Lord, I can only cast all my worries, my cares, my concerns about my dad unto You. No one is able to give me a miracle, but You. Thank You Lord, because You are good.

Was at Suntec City, accompanying aunt Kim while the girls + 1 boy was taking pics at the Alive! Museum. Had a good conversation with my aunt. Then I brought YM & YY for a walk at Orchard Road, since its their first time in Singapore and its Christmas day too. 

A bit disappointed by the decorations at Orchard Road this year. But am glad I brought them there to experience their Christmas at Orchard Road, Singapore. 

While we arrived at Orchard Road, I received a text msg from JR. He was asking for help as he was having fever and need to know if any clinic is opened. I tried to call a few A&Es and managed to find a GP clinic nearby his place with an affordable consultation rate. He went there but the queue was too long, so he decided to go Raffles Hospital. 

I called him to check if he is alright. He sounded really bad and made me very worried. I wished to end the Orchard Road journey as soon as possible and rush to be with him. So, finally, I managed to send them both to meet up with the rest at Bayfront MRT station and took the DTL to Bugis to check him out at the emergency dept. 

He told me that he is tattered but I told him that it doesn't matter. When I see him sitting on the sofa at the clinic, I felt relieved and thankful that he is not that bad or sick. Feverish, yes. His voice was not as bad as it was in the phone. We waited for about 10 minutes for his medicines and bills. 

I had been wanted to send him home straight as he needs to rest and get welll soon for his flight tomorrow. But he insisted that we shld grab some food for me or at least a drink. Ended up, we went to Granny's Secret at OG for a bowl of dessert. Its a nice place I must say. 

The not so nice plain water, tap water?

Very healthy dessert we had

We finally walked to the bus stop after the dessert, waited for about 15 minutes for the bus. Then I took NEL back as per his suggestion. 

Lord, I know I have once again step over the borderline of our friendship. But I really was worried about him. And I miss him. I seriously wish to see him on this important date. I wish, our friendship can remain pure, always, til eternity. Amen.

Elf's: Godly Friend

We were suppose to catch a movie together yesterday, however, we missed the show time as he insisted that I should take a proper lunch. There's always next time for the movie, right? 

The dessert we had was super yummy - 楊枝甘露 from 香港盛記甜品店 at Vivo City. My lunch was so-so and I believed his 燒賣 were the same. 

Yummy 楊枝甘露

We went for a walk at Vivo City, stayed outdoor at one of the balconies at level 1 and talked for awhile, about his encounters at HK. Apparently, Causeway Bay is a very nice area and very atas, specially for expats that work for Cathay. Wow! And he loves that place. 

Then I suggested to take a walk at the Sentosa Boardwalk. And it was his first time walking there. I felt so priviledge  and special as he is going to walk there with me for his first time. So, we walked and paid $1 as entrance fee to Sentosa. 

Walked at Sentosa for awhile and we headed back to Vivo by taking the LRt. And we headed to the coffee house he has suggested although I wanted to go to my fav Costa Coffee so much, but I really don't mind trying any new thing with him. 

So, it is a newly opened coffee house - abc that is located just next to Jamie's Italian. Nice environment. Cozy and warm. I wanted to order my fav drink - Flat White, of coz. But he teased me that I made a good choice for Flat White has the highest milk contains compared to the rest. (I was being advised by my GP to avoid milky and oily food as I was having gastroenteritis). So, I knew I have to change my drink and he suggested mocha, which is my second fav drink. And latte for himself. He also has ordered a piece of brownies to share, and he checked with the counter that it doesn't contains milk. How thoughtful and swet can he be? 

My Mocha in red cup, love it!

My mocha came in a red cup, which is our fav colour. I was super happy with it. And with a heart-shape latte-art (although my order was not latte), its almost perfect. And when I tasted it, it was good. Fragrant and smooth textures. 

His Latte

His latte came with a heart-shaped latte art too. Not sure how it taste, but I guess it's good. And I think his fav drink should be latte, as this is not the first time he ordered latte. 

We had a not so long but definitely one of the best conversations we ever had. He truly cares about my future, and gave me his sincere advises, and encouraged me that it's not too late to start my planning now, I am still young. 

Me and my red cup Mocha

Then, he suggested to take a pic of me drinking my mocha in my fav red cup. So cute of him. He also commented that I like to dress up. I told him I like to dress up but not dress out, and will dress up for special people, special function or special ocassion only. 

When we bid our goodbye to each other, as we were going to different way, I need to take CCL to go back to BL, and he will take NEL to go back to LI. I went down the escalator by myself, and enter the train. I chose to stand at the corner and I noticed that someone sat at the twin seats next to me, and that person was using his phone at me as if he is taking a pic of me. I did not pay much attention at first and thought maybe is just a tourist, then that person is like trying to get my attention, so, when I looked again at that person, wola! It was him. I was surprised coz he was supposed to rush home after meeting me up. And he told me that he needs to drop something at his home at TB. So I asked if I can go with him as it was still early and my aunt did not cook for me. 

We walked to his block and I waited for him under the block while he went up for his business. We talked a lot... and while walking back to the train station, I saw a very unique buildings, okay, it's 3 buildings actually, and I asked him if he knows what building was that. It was called Reflections @ Keppel Bay. And he also shared with me that this is like the proud of Keppel Construction, and the buildings are also featured in Keppel's advertisement, the one with a very nice instrument, and we hummed it together. It was almost perfect. A perfect moment for us. 

Reflections at Keppel Bay

We give each other a hug while waiting for the lift to go down to the train station, it has been so long since we last hugged each other, but we did not prolong the hug, just a short and solid hug for each other. 

“But I think we both knew, even then, that what we had was something even more rare, and even more meaningful. I was going to be his friend, and was going to show him possibilities. And he, in turn, would become someone I could trust more than myself.” 
― David Levithan, Boy Meets Boy

We love because He first loved us.  - 1 John 4:19 (NIV)

Elf's: iSteak

Had a quick dinner with JR on this Thursday night after my trip to MBS buying the pillow mist for dad from Bath & Body Works.

He suggested iSteak, a grillhouse located in a hawker centre at Holland V, that cooked nice steak (at least for him) and also one of the eatery that we promised to revisit and try again.

So, we met up at about 7.30pm at TB station, and headed to HV together. 

JR suggested that we ordered a big portoin 250g rib eye steak to share and I agreed with his suggestion.

We have waited for about 30 minutes for our order - medium raw rib eye steak with mushroom sauce and we order french fried (his choice) and greens salad (my choice) as our sides. 

The steak was cooked just nice. It was grilled perfectly outside and inside, it's tender and juicy. It's my first time eating such a big or rather thick steak. And JR only shared a bit as he needed to go back home for dinner. I was surprised to know that he needs to return home for dinner as he was the one who initiated the quick dinner meet up.

iSteak - 250g ribeye steak

Well, overall, it's another good catch-up we had. We talked a lot, politics issue from the protests in Hong Kong to the 3000 pairs shoes of Imelda, the ex president's wife from the Philippines, and we talked about my sisters and future. 

I am touched to know that he prayed for me to be more independent and stronger in handling all things in my life, and ha has been praying for me in this area, so, I guess the power of prayer is truly powerful, coz I know that I have transformed actually.

Thank You Jesus for friends who care and pray for me! 

Where no wise guidance is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. - Proverbs 11:14, AMP

Elf's: Dessert for two

We met up last night for dessert... 

I was staying up late in the office to gather the childcare info that he needs. 

(Well, I am his PA now and he gives me task to complete... like a game...)

He wanted to give me a treat for dinner, but I was too full, so, we settled for dessert.

This is our favourite... Thai coconut from 320 Below Nitro Cream Cafe, located at Mackenzie Road, near Little India MRT station.

He has decided to order waffle with 2 scopes of ice-cream to share. 

To share? That surprised me coz he usually doesn't share food. But, yes, we shared the desserts.

He has opted for Thai Coconut, and I chose Rum & Raisins, for a try.

Dessert for two, and a very nice sunflower painting on a paper cup.

We talked a lot. He told me that the Malay girls at his office tends to like to flirt with him and he doesn't know why.

Honestly, I was angry to know that there are girls out there flirting with him, staring at him and flirting with him, with he notices that. 

But, the night was good. He had a new hairdo, he combed his hair neatly, and look really good in my eyes, very decent and smart. I love it!

Okay, I should wake up.

Elf's: Lunch with JR

Hmmm... our 2nd meet up in this week.

He is having a weekend break, and so, we met up for lunch, and yes, he is still craving for STEAK! 

So, we decided to try out the steak from Aston Specialties @ CSM as I read some review online that Aston is famous with their steak.

To my surprise, there was no queue as what it usually does. So, we placed our order and get a table for two to sit down in less than 10 minutes.

We ordered the same food and drinks with different side order for the fibre, I have opted for coleslaw while he had garden salad, which appeared to be a better choice in term of photography as well as taste. 

We both had order the same for our rib-eye steak to be medium-well done, he ordered for xtra cut while i am having the normal serving.

The appearance of our steak is nothing to compare with the one he had at iSteaks. Our steaks appeared a little bit dry, instead of juicy that I have been expecting. I would say the steak was overdone, perhaps, I should order medium raw instead as I really found the texture of the steak a little bit too hard and dry. 

JR's comment is - The steak is a compromise. Not coming back for it again. Or just stick to chicken. I can't help but agree with him.

And this make my desire to try out the steak at iSteak grow stronger. And I would like to try it with no one else but JR. 

Our drink of the day is IBC Root Beer! So cooling and refreshing.... Love it! Yes, we both find fulfillment in this drink, sadly, not our main course. Lol~!

After the quick lunch, JR sent me to a bus stop nearby to take bus back to office. Initially, I was planning to take a cab, but, not sure what is the occasional, the cab queue was extremely long, so, he said I can get a bus back to office and he is willing to accompany me to the bus stop, and even waited with me for bus 67. 

Thanks JR! There is never a dull moment spent when you are with me. I truly appreciate the precious moment we had, and thank you for being my friend. 

Hope we can make it for iSteaks soon! 

Elf's: Supper with JR

We met up last night for supper after my late dinner at Crystal Jade @ Holland Village.

JR was craving for steak, yes, steak @ 11pm..... Yes, 11.00pm, 2300...

And to our surprise, we did manage to find a steaks' place at this hour. 

iSteaks Grillhouse is the place! It is actually located in the Holland Village Hawker Center and JR discovered this place while I was withdrawing $ from the ATM nearby.

I now know, not that he never told me before, but I see with my eyes now, he really loves steaks. And how he can behave like a child when he is craving for his favourite food!

After getting a table, he quickly join in the queue to order his 250gm rib eyes steak ($19.50) and he likes it medium. 

Look at the steak, so thick & juicy... I was sooooo tempted to ask for a bite from him, but alas, I stopped myself. He doesn't like to share food, or I should say taste other people's food, but he doesn't mind if other will be trying his. So, I thought I should respect him by not tasting his food too, to be fair... :)

And he wallowed up all the food on the plate in less than 20 minutes... and he looked so satisfied after finished up the food. A satisfy man is a happy man! Lol~! And I am happy and satisfy too to see how happy and satisfied he was.

After he was fully satisfies, straight away we headed to hunt for a place to have a drink. Actually, I was asking if he wants to have beer at the hawker centre, but he did not allow me to do so... So, we finally decided to go to XinWang located at Lorong Mambong for our drink. He ordered a watermelon ice-blended without sugar while I had my usual hot drink - lemon honey.

We spent our time there, listening to the korean, mandarin & cantonese songs played loudly in the background, chit-chatting with each other, playing bowl with friends on our phone, and chit-chatting... 

This meet up was good. I truly enjoy having a friend like JR. 

And maybe we both know that I am leaving Sg for good soon, we somehow treasure this time together very much, I am not sure about him, but me, definitely! However, I can sense it from him. 

It's so hard to bid farewell... But baby goodbye, doesn't mean forever.. reminded me of a song I once like it very much - Goodbye Girl by Bread.

Well, till we meet again, hopefully soon, and hopefully we can do it often before I return to KL for good. 

Elf's: Sunday with JR and his family

Spent my Sunday evening with JR and his family for dinner and coffee.

Maybe the love I have for him is already too deep, and I actually want to love his wife and his daughter too. Or maybe the love I have for him is just love for a brother, a family member? 

Confused, yes. Yet not so confused, because I know who has gone before me to fight this winning battle. And I also know who is in me. 

It was a night full of laughters and fun until his wife asking him to meet up for lunch on Monday, which is today, after his appointment. I never thought that he would reject her and even told her that he might be meeting me for lunch. 

I was like, Oh my! Can't he just say yes to his wife? And moreover, I only asked him to meet up as I need to pass him things that I bought for him, not asking to have lunch together. Why is he rejecting his wife's request? It was such an awkward situation and his wife just keep quiet and finally suggested to leave. 

Honestly, I felt bad. I even texted him to tell him to have lunch with his wife and I can meet him some other day. His reason is he has already promised to me first. And he is not sure what time he can finished his task. So, what can I say? 

I am trying my very best not to get involved in his family matters. Not that I wanted to forget that he is married, but I am just trying to make things simpler. He is not the type that will pour out his heart to the peole around him, so, its really better not to step in to his family matters. 

Today, we had lunch at nex's Ramen Play. It was a great catch up. Sometimes I really have a feeling that we are more than just friends. Maybe lovers? Maybe siblings? I don't know. He is like my family member, always the first person that I wanna share my life with. 

We both know very well that it's impossible. Good night. 

Elf's: Lovefool

I actually spent almost 2 hours listened to a sermon, just to find something that the Lord might want me to tell him.

We had a long night last night. He shared many with me. I can feel his frustration and his sense of helplessness. I really do. He loves all of them, and he wanted so much for all of them to live in a God designed lifestyle. But, sadly, there is a devil in the house. 

I know I am nobody to comment or advise. But I really wish I can help, at least to help him release his anger. 

He reminds me of John. The way they throw their tantrum, their frustration. 

Am I destined to be attracted by these type of man? With such strong character and personality? Its kinda tiring to handle them, I need to be really patience and tender, and I need to love them enough in order to be so patience and tender. 

Lord, thank You for sustaining the two of us, thank You for protecting we both, and keeping our friendship pure. 

Elf's: 偏偏喜歡你

He is still the one...

I am on sick leave today, and he texted me early in the morning, thinking of meeting me somewhere near my office for breakfast. 

Breakfast and dinner, are the meals that we have yet to have together. Especially breakfast. And its so tempting until I want to say yes and rush down to meet him. 

But it is an unwise decision, because I am so sick. So, my 理智 won the battle in my mind, and told him that I am on sick leave. And I proposed for tomorrow. But he said tomorrow is another story. So, maybe its God's will that we don't meet up. 

It has been many months since our last meet up. We didn't get to meet up for his birthday, and also my birthday. The timing are not right. 

He called me earlier while my phone was charging inside my bedroom. Aunt realised it when she was chatting with my cousin inside my room and shouted his name is calling you. I ran as fast as I can to get my phone but the line was off, and I tried calling him back, twice, but he did not pick up. Another wrong timing. 

I am still wondering, why did he call? Most of all, I miss his voice, I miss the way he look at me, I miss him. 

I miss him like crazy

Even more than words can say

I miss him like crazy

Every moment of everyday

This is truly crazy! I really should stop this. God, help me!

Elf's: 為你淋的第一場雨

It was raining while I was walking home at Pioneer Garden. I took out my umbrella, but felt the urge to walk home without the umbrella.

Kinda moody, I have no idea but to think of that night we walked to a fast food restaurant in the rain. 

Yes, I miss you. 

Took a super hot shower after i arrived home. It was good. Praise the Lord.