Elf's: Feeling vs Reality

有时候， 有时候

我会相信一切有尽头

相聚，离开，都有时候

没有什么会永垂不朽

可是我，有时候

宁愿选择留恋，不放手

等到风景都看透

也许你会陪我看细水长流

Heard this song from an album playlist on Spotify just now while walking home from MRT, had a strong feeling about the lyrics of the chorus... what if I never give up, will there be a change?

But God is good, as I am typing and asking myself all the "what if" question, the Holy Spirit reminded me on my favourite bible verse.

He has made everything beautiful in its time... Ecclesiastes 3:11

How lovely is this reminder... Thank You ABBA!

There is no what if, only surely, in God's promises for me, His beloved. Hallelujah!!!

Oh how beautiful Your love for me

Oh how wonderful Your grace unending

How beautiful and wonderful His love and grace for me, and it's never ending... ♥

Elf's: Final Decision?

It's been so long, I have not penned down any thoughts, even posted any picture here, like I have shut myself off...

I was busy, so busy with works and overtimes for extra income. I had made my life as if it all about the money only. I fell sick a few times in November, I got depressed, and demotivated to go to work. I am home sick, miss mom and Sannie at home, Laney, Mandee and baby Nana at Southend, and dad, in heaven.

Getting emotional, yes, for sure, especially in festive season. More than 10 times I haven thinking when should I tender and go back for good again. But, will I get to do things that will make me happy? Or will it be the same again? Will I miss Singapore again this time after I leave? Honestly, I think this time, I am ready to leave this little red dot.

I think, I have missed out too many things ever since I started to work abroad, since 2006. Missed the time to spent with my dad before he went home to heaven, that's about 10 years or time. This year, since I came back, I missed time for grandma, and I didn't even get to visit her in July when I came back from London. I took things for granted, and she left us in September when I am not prepared at all. I missed the moment of Sannie's first born, missed the full moon celebration, gonna missed the 100 days celebrations too on 01 January 2017. And many more things that I have and going to miss... Next year, will be my first time not able to celebrate Chinese New Year eve and first day of Chinese New Year at home, all thanks to this job.

I don't know how some of the people can work like 15 years in a call center, to me, 1 year is more than enough. The pay is not too big if you don't work for overtime. But you gotta sacrifice your off and rest day to work, and that, will in conjunction of sacrificing your health for body and soul. I truly believe that we are made by God to learn to rest in Him, but the busyness and stress I got from my job has totally robbed me of my rest and peace. It even draw me further from God, I don't attend church, because I am scheduled to work on Sunday, and because I am too lazy and tired to wake up early for church then go to work in the afternoon.

All these are so wrong! The reason why I am so eagerly and keen to come back to Singapore is because I miss my church life in ncc. But ever since I started my shift work, everything just changed. I felt so stressed when being asked by fellow ministries servers and leaders, when will I be back to serve. I love to, to be honest, but I just can't.

And so, I brought up my feeling and thoughts to Laney, Sannie and mom, that I am gonna resign, probably next year after Chinese New Year, and go home for good. Thank God, that they are very understanding and supportive for my decision. If everything goes smooth, I should be tendering in February.

And Lord, I pray, that You open the door to the path that You have prepared for me, and closed those that are not meant for me. Amen.

Elf's: The Dark Night of The Soul

It's truly the season of dark night for my soul now...

Have been facing challenges at work, not so much with skills or product knowledge, but with the environment and people there.

So many negative things I saw and felt but I chose to be optimistic, since day one I joined this company. But recently, I felt completely disrespect by my manager when I apologised for a mistake that I made. Honestly, I can't just let go the feeling. Although I am a new staff, but I do believe in mutual respect for one another. Even though between the CEO and the cleaner. However, the longer I work with my team, the more I see and feel. The leaders are always act according to their mood. Good mood, good treatment, bad mood, that's it. They will talk softly still, but sarcastically, and other might not even know what did they say. And so, we have to swallow their vomits on us. I really dislike it, I hate it!

O Lord, help me!

I am thinking of changing job, and praying for the right door to open. Perhaps, I should go to London and try working there for a short period? Or return to Malaysia and start the online business seriously? Lord, which way Lord? Where do I go from here? I am lost, Lord...

TDM: Day 11

Started our 3rd week of training.

First of all, congratulations to me and Tracy, for being the only two persons who scored 100% full mark on our second assessment. Kudos! Well done! 

Obviously, I am very happy! I thank Jesus for the favour and the wisdom He has given me. Thanks Janet and Hani for the revision and teachings for the past 2 weeks. 

I hope to do better for the future assessment and will be promoted as the TL in no time. 

A few of the team mates was caught using mobile phone at the call floor, browsing on others website like Google and Lelong.com other than SAA, and even charged their phone using the usb port of the PC. The IT team has sent an email to the operation manager on this issue and Hani was very angry with this bunch of students. 

We do not know who are they, and I seriously don't really care who are they. However, Adel was deeply affected as Hani mentioned that she will shuffle all the seats. I don't really mind, it's good to meet or mingle with other team mates as well. So, let's see how it goes tomorrow. 

Till then, I am going to celebrate my 100% result by attending a movie premiere screening, invited by my bff - Kai Li. 

Friends: Sunday 17 May 2015

Met up with Crystal at Traders Hotel on Sunday as per our earlier arrangement thru whatsapp.

She is here for a business conference, and so nice of her to remember me and asked for a meet up. Thank you dear for your time and also the shortbread cookies.

It is my first time going to Traders Hotel, and we went up to the SkyBar at level 33 for our brunch.

I have heard about this SkyBar for more than a decade, but have never have a chance to go up there, and today, I managed to go up and spent a few hours there with someone precious. 

I thank God for such precious moment I got to spend with a lovely sister. We were there for about 3 hours, and were chit-chatting continuously, non-stop. So many things to catch up with, especially for church and the Singapore Fashion Week that many of the worship team attended the night before. And I realised that we both do have a lot of similarity.

Crystal, a precious sister I knew when I first joined the choir family. That was in 2012. But I barely knew her, because she is the leader for week 1 & 3, and I usually don't like to get close to leader. But, she often gets my attention by her sweet voice, and her patient and gentleness when she spoke to the choir, be it openly or privately, I really admire her character, and her talent in singing, as well as baking. And throughout the years, she has been promoted as the leader for the choir family. I thank God that He appointed such a lovely and faithful person to look after the psalmists of His house.

Although I am no longer serving together in the choir family, my heart is always with the choir and I hope to be able to serve with all of you again in the future.

I declare that God's blessings are upon us, and He will lead us in every situation as long as we let Him take care of us. Thank You Jesus for always placing good and nice people around me, to remind me that I am loved by them and I am especially loved by You. Hallelujah!

Elf's: Life...

Have not pen down what's happening around me for quite some time...

I have been thinking a lot... many thoughts are running on my mind, not just recently, but always...

Maybe I should record down my life after returned to KL for more than a month now.

Family:
Trying my very best to adapt the lifestyle my sis and mom are living, it's not as easy. Perhaps, I have been too used to living by myself. Although I was staying with aunt for the past 10 years in SG, but, I was mostly on my own, and I don't need to mingle with them, if I don't want to. But now, with my very closest one, my mom and sis, I simply can't live like that anymore, they won't let me too, if I want... Lol~! Our vacation to Thailand had been fun yet challenging for me... Thank God that all is well!

Work:
I have turned down the offer from Sonata, because of some unreasonable terms and conditions stated in their letter offer to me. Since then, I have started to look for other jobs again from Jobstreet. There were 2 agencies and one company HR called me up ONLY. (looks like it's not easy to get a job, and sometimes I wondered if I made the wrong decision to reject the first offer that I got.) Anyway, there were 2 interviews arranged, I only made it for the very first one, with Teledirect, as a CS for SIA KrisFlyer program. Went for the second interview too 3 days after the first interview, went through different tests, such like English grammar test, essay, problem solving, typing speed, listening test, role play... And I finally got the job offer on last Friday, about 3 weeks after the interviews as well as call reference to my ex supervisor. Phew~~! It's something new to me, shift work, big team, big organization, and 2-3 months of training before starting the job. New life, new beginning! Praise Jesus!

Church:
I have not attend to any of the local church service thus far... Not sure which one I should go, I miss nccsg! Miss my fellow ministries' servers, miss the venue, miss Pastor Prince... Can I still get a New Creation Church in KL? Guide me, Lord...

Friends:
So far, been meeting up with CY and SY quite often... met KL, YT & CY for once only. MY was too busy tied up by her balloon business, hence, can't meet up with us for dinner on the other night, but it's okay, we shall meet up again. Other than them, I have not been meeting up with anyone in KL.

I made a trip to SG last week with CY and SY, to take my remaining belongings back to KL, with CY driving. Met up with CN, on Saturday night for dinner, then JD & PS on Sunday morning to attend church service together, most of the WWJD team for lunch, AT, NL, QH, JL & JO for coffee at Jamaica Blue, and last but not least, dinner with RT at Brotziet. It was a fruitful trip for me, to be able to attend church at nccsg again, and to meet up so many of friends that are close to me. Thank You Jesus, for delighting me with the desire of my heart.

Was not able to meet up JR, as he was busy with work, that's the only regret for that trip.

Overall, it's just the beginning of my stay in KL, I should not be making any conclusions yet. And I believe I should do my best, live my best, enjoy my moment here with my beloved family members, and God will continue to direct my step to the life He has prepared for me. Amen!

Songs: Restore

Here's another song from ncc, I believe it is written based on the church theme of the year - The Year of His Restoration!

Not sure who written this song. And surprisingly, many of us when we first heard of this song, we actually don't really like it.. however, it just gets better and nicer as we sing this to ourselves during practices and p&w session on stage and at church. 

I also believe that this is a word and a promise that the Lord is giving to me for this coming years... His restoration will be done in my life. Thank You Jesus! Thank You Daddy God! Hallelujah!

Restore

Copyright 2015 New Creation Church Singapore

Eternal one, Your love has won 

My salvation 

Restore my days, the wasted years

My Redeemer

Our spirits soar, our youth renewed 

As we wait on You 

For what was lost, Your grace will pour 

You give so much more 

Restore us! 

Darkness turns to light You are light 

You draw us! Closer to Your side To your side

The prodigal, embraced in love By the Father 

In You I rest, my heart confess You’re my Shepherd 

Our spirits soar, our youth renewed 

As we wait on You 

For what was lost, Your grace will pour 

You give so much more 

Restore us! 

Darkness turns to light You are light 

You draw us! Closer to Your side To your side

Hope comes alive in You , Jesus, Lord Jesus 

Closer, draw near to You, Jesus, Lord Jesus