Elf's: Random

It's been more than a week we didn't talk to each other. He knew I am still here, but he just didn't bother to text me. I have tried to initiate for a meet up but was rejected. And since then, he did not contact me until today. He didn't even bother to ask me the outcome of my interview.

Sissie is in love. She has been telling me her feeling openly and I felt so bad for keeping things from her. I almost wanna ask her to pray for me, to have this feeling removed. But, I am just another coward after all. I dare not tell her the truth. I dare not let her know what's going on at my end. 

Watching the new tv series about 新謠, and I immediately think about him. I know he would like this new tv series. Watching Triumph in the skies II and thinking of him too. I am totally 無藥可救了！I miss him very much. 

Today, I was taking bus 30 to HBF, it was a long journey. I got down from the bus as I thought I have arrived at my destination after more 1 hour of bus journey, then I walked for about 3 bus stop later, and realised that I alighted at the wrong bus stop after seeing the ARC building. I had another choice of taking trim from TB station, but I chose to went back to the nearest bus stop. A lot of memories there and I don't want to be reminded again. I avoided to take train and chose the longer journey from my house to HBF to avoid all the unnecessary memories come back to me, and yet, I alighted at the wrong bus stop and saw the building that we went together before. 

We both know we can't continue this friendship. I know my feelings towards him. I bet he knew my feelings too, that's why he is avoiding me. I knew he doesn't like me the way I like him. I knew that he see me as a friend only. I knew how wrong it is but i don't know why the feeling kept growing.. Deeper and deeper... I am suffocating... I can't handle it anymore... Should I just let him know my feeling and let him end our friendship? I hardly wanna take the risk. But I think this is the only way stop me, by ending our friendship. I won't be able to see him using the name of friend.

Honestly, I don't want us to end this way, my heart is bleeding by thinking that we will end this way. But perhaps this is the only way. Lord, help me, help us. 

Elf's: Tiredness & Exhausted

I woke up super late these last 2 days, 10am... and I felt very tired still, especially on Saturday, my level of productivity is zero 0.

Then I remember I was not like this back in my time in Sg. I worked for 5.5 days, everyday woke up at around 6am, reached home mostly after 8pm, or sometimes after 11am if there is a ministries activities (choir practice, ministries gathering) or other activities with colleagues or friends. Then on Sunday, I can still wake up at 3.30am to prepare myself to serve for morning choir, and after usher, and will end the day by reaching home at around 10pm, and start the weekly routine again. Those were my days. I was so active, busy and energetic!

And now, after rested for about 3 months, I became so used to the laid back lifestyle... I was physically and mentally exhausted by the long hours of training at the office. Too many product knowledge to absorb, new colleagues to mingle with, and most of them are having very different mindset and even level of moral compared to me. I feel tired to start everything afresh.

Daddy God, I ask, for new dose of strength and energy to impart in me, to start afresh my new life here with my new career, new colleagues, new friends and most of all, my beloved family members. Honestly, Lord, You know that I really felt very stressful with my family now, I am still learning on how to live with them in a harmony and happy way. I can't stand the way my sis talked to me, like she is the king of the house, always giving instructions and showing her temper whenever she hears thing that is not pleasing to her or even like to tease/ insult/ make fun of  my belief in Jesus, and mom, for being over sensitive in many areas. Help me, Lord! Help me!

Elf's: Old flame....

RT and I have been exchanging text since I got back from my previous SG trip...

He would text me everyday, not almost everyday, but everyday without fail. Sometimes a greeting in the morning, then after 1-2 exchanged text, he will text again during lunch break, we might chat for about an hour if I was not too busy, and then at night, he will text me again, and we will continue text-ing each other until his bedtime...

It helps to dilute my feelings towards JR... It also helps to divert my attention for JR too, that I don't always looking forward for his msg days and nights. 

However, I was also afraid myself to develop the old feeling I had for him again... He has also reminded me to guard my heart. Of course, by writing this out, I am being honest to myself here. I am guarding my heart for sure. 

I have 100% forgiven him for what he did on me years ago. There is no more bitterness between me and him. I am sure he is not holding any bitterness against me, he is too care-free. He is also not the type of guy that will stay for me. But the way he treated me nowadays, do reminded me of the good old days we used to have, a very short of 3 months we had. He is still as sweet and nice. He is a brother to me now. Someone whom I can talk my heart out, and expect for honest advise and comment, not being too harsh, like JR. 

JR has been very harsh to me recently. Maybe he has forgotten that I am a lady, I cannot stand for the way he treated me. I feel like he is trying to make me angry. Well, how could I get angry with him? He has been a very good and nice friend to me, I have learnt a lot from him, and I thank God for a friend like him too.

Anyway, my heart is with God, He shall guard my heart for me, no one can steal it away from Him. It's my blessed assurance. Thank You Abba!  

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." 

-Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)- 

Elf's: In love...?

He told me he is in love...

I hope he was joking, but he ain't this type of guy who will joke with me with this kind of joke...

How can he?

Elf's: Realisation...

Am currently busying with the makeover of my room and also a Photobook project as a Mother's Day gift for my beloved mommy...

While browsing the photos we took, some was taken recently, and many were years ago, I realised that I actually missed out many precious moment with my family... especially now, with my dad...

I also realised that I actually don't really understand my family members, their likes and dislikes, their personalities, their characters... It's time to get to know them better and sped more quality times with my loved ones here at home, most of all, take more pictures... I am glad I took some of the pictures especially pictures with my dad despite of many were always there to tease me when I insisted to take the picture.

Lord, as You said that this is the year of Your restoration, I said AMEN! I am definitely looking forward for all Your promises to me to come to pass... With men, many are impossible, but with God, ALL things are possible!

Thank You Lord for hearing our prayers for Jamie's dad, and congratulations Lord that You have one more saved soul entering to Your kingdom...Hallelujah!

Today, nccsg had launched the latest, long awaited church worship album, it's called "Anthem of Grace". Such a nice name for the album, and it's really the best title to suit this album, in line with our church's direction.. Praise Jesus for making it a successful launching for the church! And blessed the person from 15 @ Star who blessed the team with the CD as well, not sure if I am eligible, so, I have got CN to help me to get a copy of it.

To God be the glory & all the praises! Hallelujah!

Quiz: Welcome to Earth Day 2015 - Which animal are you?

Haha! And I am a gigantic squid!

Read more about this species on wikepedia and found it extremely ugly.... oh dear.. and I am one of them?

No way! I am the beloved child of the Most High! His beloved princess on earth, definitely not a squid...

Songs: Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things on earth will go strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace